I’d like to ask something of you today. I’d like to
ask you to give away a compliment to 3 unsuspecting people. In fact, I ask you
to continue this practice, as a commitment to extending love until the end of
the year… next year… until the end of 2015. And because we laid to rest, “I
Can’t” last week I know you’re already anxiously awaiting more information on
this with your’ “I can, I will, I’ll start right now” attitude. Am I right?
Each day, you will give away 3
compliments, one each to 3 different people (or start with one each day… but
start). I suggest you give compliments to people you know, and people you have
just met.
I got this idea from a Gratitude to
God Calendar.
Let me tell you a little bit of the
history behind this idea on this calendar.
Over the year prior to publishing the
calendar, a group of people volunteered to test the effect of different
techniques to increase a person’s spirituality. It was surprising to the people
involved how much effect the commitment to give away 3 compliments a day has.
Unity refers to its approach to
Christianity as “Positive Practical Christianity.” One of the practical lessons
we learn from the teachings, and the living, of Jesus is gratitude.
A practical practice of gratitude
involves being grateful for other people, and telling them so. We are going
beyond just saying thank you, to giving compliments.
Compliments often surprise the
receiver. And compliments leave an afterglow of warmth, both in the giver, and
the receiver… even in the observer.
Jane and I were out to dinner with
friends Suzanne and Steven. As was Steven’s way, he complimented our server. As
soon as she approached the table, said her name and told us she’d be our server
tonight, the conversation went something like this:
Steven, “That’s a very nice necklace.
Is there a story behind it?”
Server, “No, it’s just a necklace I
bought at the store.”
Steven, “Well it looks very nice on
you. You have good taste!”
Server, “oh… thank you.”
It never mattered where we went, or
who we saw, Steven always offered a compliment to a complete stranger. Frankly,
that’s something I’d wanted to be better at.
It’s said that a good life is made up
of the accumulation of days.
On our journey to awareness we will see
how we’d like to change some of the ways in which we live our days. Those
changes sometimes occur immediately and sometimes it requires practice, to form
new habits.
Another thing that’s also been said
is, “People do not fall in love with you, they fall in love with the way THEY
FEEL when they are with you.”
So how about living the next year
inviting people to feel good in your presence… and it may require some practice
to form the habit of giving compliments. Here are two criteria I’m asking you
to go by:
(1)
The
compliments you will give away won’t be faked, they’ll be sincere. I don’t
think it’s really extending love by giving away cookie-cutter insincere
compliments, and I don’t think they have much effect.
(2)
Compliments
do not contain corrections. You are not saying, "You are pretty BUT you
would look prettier if you did this." That is not a compliment, it is a
correction.
What I’m, asking you to do is to look
beyond the outer face, or form, and to compliment a person's character as often
as possible. When you don’t know a person, then compliment something in the
outer form like their necklace, or their smile…
Few people ever compliment a person's
character, so do that when you can.
The compliments you give will always
be true, positive, and uplifting.
Uh-oh, has “I Can’t” risen from the
grave? Are the “I Can’t” zombies tramping through your mind right now? Do you
feel you don’t have the strength to offer a compliment to a stranger? Are you
worried about what words to say?
Do you need strength? Ask God to help
you, be aware, then stop and feel for it. It’s there.
Ask God what to say, then stop and
listen. God will give you the words, if you will ask, and you will be extending
God’s Love into the world by delivering them.
Your bravery will increase over time.
You will look forward to giving compliments to strangers, because you will see
your empowering effect on them.
Back to what I read about the “test
group” before this suggestion went on the Gratitude to God Calendar. “Some
people said in the beginning that they could never go up to a stranger and give
a compliment. Well, that changed in a surprising short period of time.”
“Some of our best people, practicing
this new spiritual art form, are naturally shy. Tremendous friendships of been
formed, and even significant relationships, that otherwise would of never
happened.”
Could it be that you are not here by
chance today? Could it be that because you are here today to hear this that you
have been called to do this? Could that be?
Our desire in life is to make a
difference, yes? And you will make a difference, sometimes larger than you will
ever know.
In Chicken Soup for the Soul there is
this short story:
“Mark was walking home
from school one day when he noticed the boy ahead of him had tripped and
dropped all of the books he was carrying, along with two sweaters, a baseball
bat, a glove and a small tape recorder. Mark knelt down and helped the boy pick
up the scattered articles. Since they were going the same way, he helped to
carry part of the burden. As they walked Mark discovered the boy's name was
Bill, that he loved video games, baseball and history, and that he was having
lots of trouble with his other subjects and that he had just broken up with his
girlfriend. They arrived at Bill's home first and Mark was invited in for a
Coke and to watch some television. The afternoon passed pleasantly with a few
laughs and some shared small talk, then Mark went home. They continued to see
each other around school, had lunch together once or twice, then both graduated
from junior high school. They ended up in the same high school where they had
brief contacts over the years. Finally the long awaited senior year came and
three weeks before graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk.
Bill reminded him of the
day years ago when they had first met. "Did you ever wonder why I was
carrying so many things home that day?" asked Bill. "You see, I
cleaned out my locker because I didn't want to leave a mess for anyone else. I
had stored away some of my mother’s sleeping pills and I was going home to
commit suicide. But after we spent some time together talking and laughing, I
realized that if I had killed myself, I would have missed that time and so many
others that might follow. So you see, Mark, you did a lot more than help me
pick up those books that day, you saved my life."
-John W. Schlatter”
What difference did that one act of
kindness make?
Most of us routinelysay thank you. As
great as that is, it is sometimes an automatic response, and sometimes received
an automatic sleepy way. Taking the extra time to give a compliment awakens the
receiver.
It only takes a few seconds longer,
to make a real connection with another person.
Again, I invite you to make this a
sincere practice, and give away real, true compliments – 3 per day to 3
different people per day.
Look for reasons to compliment.
It's inexpensive to give compliments,
and yet priceless to the receiver.
I look back on my life now, and my most
priceless possessions are compliments, some of which I received decades ago,
but are now held tightly in my mind.
When I was 19 years old and
dreadfully, painfully shy and uncertain about myself, I was with my buddy Jeff
and we were at his girlfriend, Linda’s house. It was the first time I had ever
been there. Linda asked me to come outside with her. She took me to the front
of the house and showed me the landscaping.
In one of those rare “brave” moments
from deep within my shyness, I asked her why she was showing me that. Her
answer was, “Because you’re a sensitive person and I thought you’d enjoy this.”
It just felt good to hear; for a
moment I didn’t feel so invisible and small. Obviously that simple compliment
touched me deeply because I still remember it 48 years later! (and I feel
gratitude and warmth in remembering it)
Some people look for reasons to
complain. But you are Not one of
these people.
There are only two “teachers” to
follow. One teaches love, the other teaches not love, in all its myriad forms.
We follow one teacher or the other. It’s as simple as that.
As a side note here, when we’re doing
a personal inventory, we often get too absorbed in the details – “I didn’t do
this, that, and the other thing as well as I would have liked. I need to
correct this, that, and the other thing.” Now we seem to have three mistakes
(or many more) that need correcting when the only mistake that needs correcting
is the teacher to whom we listen. Our experience in life is really no more
complicated than which teacher choose to listen to; the voice of not good
enough, or the Voice for Love.
Jesus said "Let your light
shine." A compliment is a brilliant light. Some compliments will be
remembered in the minds of the receiver forever.
If you choose to consciously extend
compliments each day, you will go to bed at night with a surprising new “soul
smile.”
Begin right now, today, with your
compliments. Do you know that when a person delays the start of a new spiritual
practice, they likely never will begin?
So when you leave the house, or the
office, the church today, will look for 3 people to compliment.
No excuses.
It's never too late.
Someone is waiting for you.
Someone needs you.
Someone is craving your message.
The person who needs to hear your
compliment comes at exactly the right time.
Your compliment may well be like
water on the desert to someone.
Be God in action on earth. Extend
God’s love through a compliment.
Make a difference.
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